Never Coming Home
by Fiona Penguin
Summary: I wrote this down this afternoon after the viewing. Just had to share it with someone. Includes passages of the song The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance


She needed some time alone, in silence; some time to sooth herself and go back to life. That's why she chose the barn loft to go. The farm boy's geeky style had some good points, like having the best place in the world to feel sad. She looked at the clear sky and sighed. If it really wasn't real, why was it so hard to let go?

Clark walked into his loft with a strange feeling in his heart. Going there whenever there was nothing left to do was second nature, but today it felt different. Like something bad waited for him, but still he felt the necessity to go. After climbing up the last step, it all made sense.

"Hey, Lois. What you're doing here?" Clark uttered with surprise even before his mind could process the image he saw. Lois turned around and looked at him with red eyes and a completely torn expression. She sobbed and cried heavily, and he had no idea why.

"I had a dream Clark, it was so terrible."

"Wh-what? What happened?" Clark walked closer to her, willing to hold her and comfort her, but stop at one step distance. She was stiffened, holding back the tears to stay calm, and he let things be her way.

"Lucy was dead in my dream Clark, and it all felt so real. I just can't take that feeling out of my heart!" Lois got louder as she spoke. Turning grief into anger seemed to always work, but this time it felt useless.

Clark slowly picked her hand and pressed it tight, as she didn't reject it. He pulled Lois to the couch so she could be more comfortable. He sat in front of her and stood silent, staring at her carefully. She looked into his eyes and sighed with some relief as she realized that he was there, not because he had to, but because he wanted it, he really wanted to share it with her.

"I dreamt that we worked together, you, me, Chloe and Jimmy. We were having lunch together to celebrate a job promotion I got, and then when we were heading to work, my father called and told me she was murdered. You were all there to support me, specially you, but I had to go to the viewing alone."

A hard sob cut her speech, and Clark rubbed her hands with tenderness, still silent. She stared at the floor and smiled faintly as she saw an ant carrying a tiny piece of cookie.

"And then there were all those people around me, asking me to be strong and hold on and saying I should trust that she was in a better place, but all I wanted was for them to shut up and leave us alone. I just wanted everyone to let me and my dad mourn Lucy and be weak and feel the pain as much as possible, so we could leave it all there with her." She looked into his caring eyes again and let herself crumble. "What if Lucy dies today, Clark? what if I never see her again?"

He held her and a warm embrace and kissed the top of her head, which rested on his chest. He cradled her like a child, patiently, and let her cry aloud and shed torrential tears freely. If she needed to feel weak at that moment, he wouldn't push on the contrary, ever. He'd be strong for her. When he felt her body stop trembling, he pulled her face up to look at him and finally spoke.

"Lois, you know she isn't really dead, don't you? It was all a bad dream, just that. I'm sure you're afraid of losing her, but you won't. You won't."

"How can you be so sure Clark?" Lois pulled away completely and shook her head; despondency filled her soul. "She's been away for so long, living a life of crime. You hear about thieves and gangsters being killed everyday. Who could assure me my sister will never be one of those people on the news?"

Clark touched her face and tried to comfort her, but there was nothing he could say. What she said was undeniable. Lois grabbed his hand and closed her eyes. His care felt like a warm light, slowly pulling her out of the dark, sulking hole she was into right now.

"I've always felt like that, you know? I've always felt that someday she would find her way and come back, but what if she doesn't Clark? What if it's too late? What will I do if a lose her?"

_At the end of the world_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Could I, should I_

A single tear ran through Clark's face, as he felt completely powerless. Lois was right in front of her, feeling completely destroyed, and there was absolutely nothing he could do. Lois gave him a sad smile and gently wiped his face, as hers continued to be flooded by her own tears. He seemed so desperate to do something to help her, not knowing he was doing the best thing possible just by _being there_.

"You know, I remember the last Christmas party we spent together. We were on the base with my dad and a few soldiers, and they were competing for who would eat more, so Lucy and I decided to contend against each other. She picked this huge spoon of risotto and ducked it in her mouth." A slight chuckle overhung the sobs as she shook her head. "The spoon was so big she couldn't close her lips to chew. Everybody laughed, even dad, and when she laughed too, she spilled the risotto all over the floor. Those were good days, despite everything."

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Could I, should I_

"You see? That's what you need to keep in mind!" Clark said while caressing her face. "Even if you lose her someday – though I still believe it won't happen – but _even if_, she won't ever be dead to you Lois. She will always be alive in your memory."

Lois let her head fall as Clark's hand reached the nape of her neck and massaged it. "You're an amazing guy Smallville. Thank you for everything. For being here and letting me cry on your shoulder about something that hasn't even happened yet. It's just that I can't take this feeling away, not until I know she is okay."

She raised her head again and found his glistening blues pointed straight at her. There was something different in them, some kind of… determination.

"She will be okay Lois. I promise."

-----

Five days had passed since the emotional outburst at the Kent barn, and the sullen feeling still lingered in Lois's soul. She woke up and looked at the ceiling; it was blank as her mind. It still felt like besides the constant lack of air and the pressuring feeling she had in her lungs, everything else in her was dormant.

She heard her cell phone ring and picked it up absentmindedly, it was Clark. She grunted a hello, expecting him to get the clue and be quick, but what she heard made her heart race like an Arab horse and her whole body pulse again.

"_Lois?"_

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me_

"Oh my God. Lucy?"

In loving memory of my cousin Luis Henrique. Born in 04-13-1981; deceased in 02-01-2007. Guess I'll never get that call from you, will I?


End file.
